Healing and the transitions of parenthood
March is always a transitional month for me with the spring equinox and my birthday prompting me to take stock as I step into the next season and year of my life. This newsletter focuses on supporting ourselves and healing after having distressing or traumatic experiences during the transitions we experience on our journey to parenthood.
The Parenting Journey
We experience a number of transitions on our parenting journey. These periods of change are often significant and life changing.
And the journey to parenthood will look different for each of us.
We may decide to start or become a family. We may try to become pregnant or choose to adopt a child. We may become a stepparent through our relationships. Or we might become a child’s guardian or foster parent.
While some of us will unexpectedly find out that we’re going to be parents. For example, if we have a pregnancy that is unplanned and we decide to continue with the pregnancy.
Challenges with fertility, pregnancy loss, the death of a baby or child or having a baby that is diagnosed with a health condition may also be part of this journey to parenthood.
Other milestones in our child’s life may also be important markers of change for us. These might include their birth, taking our child home for the first time, getting to know our baby and/ or navigating the changes in our lives now that we have a baby.
Experiencing Trauma as We Become a Parent
Unfortunately, distress and trauma are often downplayed or unrecognised when we experience them during key times on our parenting journey .
We might be told that what happened to us is normal, that we are lucky to have a healthy baby, that we have options or that we can try again.
When the distress or trauma is caused by the medical “care” we receive on this journey, this is often explained away as being necessary. The actions of practitioners are often justified even if other care options were available or better communication was needed. And our feelings (including dissatisfaction) about what happened may not be acknowledged.
While there can be many caring and sensitive healthcare practitioners who we encounter on this journey, sometimes this is not the case. For a variety of reasons, practitioners may also provide care in line with policies and procedures rather than parents’ wishes.
And it is rarely acknowledged that parents do not have to be okay with care that is not sensitive, where they were not given all of the relevant information (particularly about their rights and options) or they are not treated as active participants in their or their babies’ care.
How this Affects Parents
And all of these types of reactions may mean that we are left feeling that we’re being selfish or unreasonable in our hopes that someone will understand or even just acknowledge that we are not okay. We might feel that our sadness or rage are unjustified. We might doubt or judge ourselves.
Maybe we try to bury how we feel. But our feelings might still try to find their way through. We are then left trying to parent when we feel low, anxious or constantly worried about our baby. We might struggle to sleep (on top of being woken by our baby) or have nightmares or distressing memories. And our confidence could be knocked.
The distress we feel may be heightened if we have previously had other traumatic experiences.
Sometimes we can ignore these feelings and they don’t resurface until we become pregnant again or are faced with reminders of what happened. This is one of the reasons why I included a post on celebrating your child’s first birthday after birth trauma in this newsletter.
Supporting You to Heal
All of these experiences and feelings can have a profound effect on us and our experience of parenting. If you find that you are continuing to experience any of these things, it can be important to reach out for help and support.
Fortunately, healing from these experiences can also significantly affect who we are and how we feel about parenting.
I trained in the TBR 3 Step Rewind technique as I wanted to help parents recover from trauma and distress experienced on their journey to parenthood. This technique offers you an opportunity to tell your story (if you want) and understand how this experience affects your life now. Then you will be supported to reframe this experience to focus on how you want to feel and lift any heavy emotions that you are feeling as a result of your experience.
I believe in you and strongly believe that you HAVE got this. That’s why I’d be honoured to support you as you heal from this journey. It is also why I’m offering 10% (£100) off The Ultimate Pregnancy and Parenting Support Package if you book in March.
I also offer transformational coaching to help you rebuild your confidence if it has been knocked. You can have it all. Get in touch with me this month!
And doing new things or things that we feel worried about doing with our baby is one of the best ways of building our confidence. With this focus on mind, I’ve included tips on travelling with your baby this month.
March Offer – £100 off The Ultimate Pregnancy and Parenting Support Package
You get a massive £100 off The Ultimate Pregnancy and Parenting Support Package if you book in March. This package offers you truly bespoke support to heal from trauma or distress experienced previously on your journey to parenthood.
Are you pregnant and feeling anxious or even terrified? Did you have a traumatic experience giving birth to an older child? Or maybe you experienced a loss? Maybe you had a very difficult time after the birth of another child?
I’m really sorry to hear that you’re feeling this way. And I want to support you to heal so that you can feel more confident during this pregnancy and when you meet your baby. We will focus on your personal parenting goals to support you to make the most of this special time with your new baby.
The Ultimate Pregnancy and Parenting Support Package includes:10 x 1 hour coaching sessions +TBR 3 Step Rewind + A Postnatal Debrief + Access to an Online Dancing for Birth™ Workshop.
Get in touch to discuss whether this support is right for you. More information is available here about this package and the TBR 3 Step Rewind Technique.
Dancing for Birth™ Class Update
My Dancing for Birth™ classes are currently on hold as I consider the best way to offer them.
I am also developing a Dancing for Birth™ workshop so watch this space!
To register your interest in Dancing for Birth™ classes or a workshop, please email me at amanda@youhavegotthis.co.uk
Celebrating your child’s 1st birthday after birth trauma
Marking your baby’s 1st birthday might feel daunting. And some parents face their baby’s first birthday with feelings of terror, grief or anger. They may dread their baby’s birthday or wish to ignore it all together. While there is no right way to mark a first birthday, how we react to our baby’s upcoming first birthday may be an indicator of how we’re feeling about what happened to us when they were born. I talk about this in this month’s post on Celebrating Your Child’s 1st Birthday after Birth Trauma.
I also offer coaching packages and one off coaching sessions if you want support around the time of your baby’s first birthday. Your child’s first birthday is a big day for you too. Get in touch with me at amanda@youhavegotthis.co.uk.
Travelling with your baby!
Travelling is a form of transition. It’s the physical journey from one place to another.
And it can feel daunting – especially if we’re already feeling anxious or low. But it’s also an opportunity to make a shift in your confidence as a parent. Doing something, especially for the first time, provides a chance to build our confidence. The tips in this guide apply whether you’re going out for a walk, travelling on a short car, bus or train journey or if you’re making a longer trip.
To get your free copy, sign up to the newsletter on the homepage.
Comments